Light One Candle

This is my second attempt for the monthly blog chain over at Absolute Write. A fictional Hanukkah story. Blogger has been driving me crazy with the paragraph spacing. I have to check my settings, but that is why there is so much space in between paragraphs.

This month's prompt:
Home for the Holidays (not associated with the real Holiday).

This one is broad: write about a holiday memory. It can be fiction or non-fiction, and the choice of holiday is yours (fictional holidays are okay too). Perhaps you can invent an annoying relative. Maybe you knew someone who got an actual lump of coal in their stocking. Or there's always the tale of Nilatir, Sword-Hero of Evinrude, and the Feast of Sam'x.

Light One Candle

“So, you drink the Arcaffe coffee now?”

“I like the Arcaffe coffee. What is wrong with the Arcaffe coffee?”

The playful banter between Alice and Jacob had been off and on most of the afternoon.

“The coffee at McDonalds is a good coffee,” Alice argued, “I don’t understand why you have to have the fancy Arcaffe coffee, it’s so expensive.”

“Alice, enough with the coffee.” Joseph, Alice’s husband, saved Jacob from is wife’s immutable nagging. “If Jacob wants expensive coffee, he should drink expensive coffee.”

Aunt Rose sat at the end of one long, makeshift table. If there would be a prize for the oldest person in the food court she would be in the running to win. To look at her you would have to wonder where her glasses were, her eyes looked out of focus and watery. She wore a white blouse with muted beige, yellow and brown stripes. She pretended to listen to Joseph, Alice and Jacob, but she was lost in her own thoughts. She didn’t care about coffee, no one did for that matter, it was a way to pass the time, 1:00 p.m. was fast approaching.

The small tables were pushed together to accommodate most of the group that were in their advanced years. A younger couple, Sara and Eric, were there talking to Albert. They weren’t talking about coffee, it was something more serious and they were keeping it to themselves. Someone that didn’t know Albert would more than likely stare at his left forearm. Although it wasn’t polite to stare, one couldn’t help but wonder, ‘Is that what I think it is?’

“We have to go now Albert, good conversation.” Eric and Sara got up to leave.

“You have to leave now?

”It’s getting to be that time.”

”Yes, yes, go already.” And he waved them off with his left hand, giving people another glance.

“Shalom everyone, we shall see you soon.” And the young couple was gone.

This center of the food court seemed to become a meeting place, for the old and the young. The older would pull up a chair and stay.

“Robert, you are late.” Alice pointed out. “What is that stick you have?”

“It’s my new cane, you like?”

“It looks like a stick from my back yard.”

The cane was very fashionable and you could tell Robert was proud of it. It had twists and knots, like the branch of a tree and was lacquered to fine polish.

“I will get coffee.” He says.

“What kind of coffee? Jacob …….”

“Alice, this is a peaceful day and you will have it ruined by coffee?”

“I will go with you Robert.” And Albert stood up to help his friend.

The younger friends and family would stop by and give Aunt Rose a kiss, ask her how she was and she would politely answer, but said very little. They exchanged pleasantries with others in the center of the food court and then would be on their way after checking their watches.

Albert and Robert came back with coffee, from McDonalds, and passed the piping hot liquid around. Everyone stopped to close their eyes and let their noses come alive with the aroma of fresh brewed coffee.

That is when they heard the first notes of the music in the food court. You could hear mumblings from the surrounding tables,

“Is it a Flash Mob?”

“Record it, I think it’s a flash mob.”

Excitement grew in the air and the people became very still. Cameras and cell phones popped out. Then the young people that had stopped by to pay their respects to their elders began to sing,

Light one candle for the Maccabee children
With thanks their light didn't die;
Light one candle for the pain they endured
When their right to exist was denied;

“Light One Candle.” People exclaimed.

Light one candle for the terrible sacrifice
Justice and freedom demand;
And light one candle for the wisdom to know
That the peacemaker's time is at hand!

Although the song is fairly new, it’s meant to remind the young and old the importance of Hanukkah. Aunt Rose beamed with joy as she witnessed the young and the old come together. She lifted herself out of her chair with the help of her walker, stood proudly and began to sing,

Don't let the light go out,
It's lasted for so many years!

Don't let the light go out!
Let it shine through our love and our tears!

Participants and posts:
orion_mk3 - http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to this month's post)
Ralph Pines - http://ralfast.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
pyrosama - http://matrix-hole.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
AbielleRose - http://stainedglassinthenight.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
writingismypassion - http://charityfaye.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
Domoviye - http://lets-get-happy.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
Areteus - http://lurkingmusings.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
Alynza - http://www.alynzasmith.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
SuzanneSeese - ME!
robeiae - http://thepondsofhappenstance.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
SinisterCola - http://acgatesblog.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
MamaStrong - http://inamamasworld.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
kimberlycreates - http://www.kimberlycreates.com/ (link to this month's post)
Cath - http://blog.cathsmith.com/ (link to this month's post)
AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com/ (link to this month's post)
Diana Rajchel - http://blog.dianarajchel.com/ (link to this month's post)

Something Wicked This Way Come

Looking into the early afternoon sky I couldn’t help but feel a sense of urgency. Up above me in the space that once held the warm, bright sun gave way to an ominous darkness that enveloped my little world.

With several errands on my list yesterday I was distracted by the colors of impending doom. Black and gray with midnight blue mingled together and spread across the horizon. They slowly crept across the skyline as if they were trying to sneak up on us. The colors rolled together forming threatening tufts of clouds.

Each time I left the safety of my heated car the air outside felt colder. The wind swirled around me and the damnable clouds started to break apart bringing frigid raindrops to the earth.

This was it, it was rolling into our lives. Whether we wanted to see it or not, it would stay with us, like an annoying out of town relative overstaying their welcome. Winter has arrived.

Back Cover Blurb

Assignment from Absolute Write Blog Chain:
Write up a back cover blurb for a book you have written or would like to write. It should be short, sweet, yet give a sense of people and events without totally spoiling the ending. NaNoWriMo participation is not required, and the blurb may be for fiction or nonfiction as you see fit.

Being a new member on the Absolute Forum I couldn't help but gravitate to the blogging threads, it's where I'm most comfortable. But I'm jumping out of my comfort zone and unleashing my first book. I have entertained the idea of writing a book but haven't shared the idea with too many people. Unfortunately the idea in my head, the one that must come out, requires quite a bit of research. Don't look for this book to be done any time soon.
Below is my blurb and also a list of the the other participants in the blog chain:

_____________________________________

Niles O’Brien sat in the back of the prison van locked in his seat and he waited. For almost two years Niles had waited and continued to believe he would be set free. He was innocent after all and the military would see that, he was a good soldier and this was all a mistake. He would soon be out of maximum security, have his name cleared and be back with his team. Holding on to this hope got him through each intolerable day.

The vans door opened and another man was half dragged in, sat down and locked in place across from Niles. His new companions head was down, his chin rested on his chest and blood trickled down the lip and nose of his face and formed a small puddle on the vans floor.

Niles studied the silent man for a half a minute before he broke the silence. He cocked his head to the side.

“Looks like you put up quite a fight. Did you think you had any chance of getting away?”

After he said it he knew he sounded like a smart ass and from the menacing look he received as the man across from him slowly rose his head and made eye contact with Niles, it kind of confirmed the question came out wrong. So much for first impressions, Niles quickly realized his people skills were sorely lacking during his time of incarceration.

The van began to move, breaking the awkward moment of their first meeting. Their stare continued though and each saw the overwhelming, uneasy feeling that rested in the other’s eyes. They did not know where they were going, nor would they want to.

What Niles and the beaten, bloodied man across from him didn’t know was that they had been targeted for a top-secret military mission from which there was no return. Because of the sacrifices made for this assignment, no one would want to volunteer. No, the time Niles spent in Leavenworth was the preliminary adjustment to his new life. A new life so deeply undercover that he would be dead to the world he knew, his family, friends and his brothers in arms.

Join Niles O’Brien as he struggles with lines he believes have been crossed in the world of advanced scientific discoveries. As he is forced into objectionable partnerships and learns more than he wants to of the threat to our world, the world he has been unwillingly recruited to save.

Here are other participants and their posts:
orion_mk3 - http://nonexistentbooks.wordpress.com (link to this month's post)
Ralph Pines - http://ralfast.wordpress.com (link to this month's post)
MysteryRiter - http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
AuburnAssassin - http://clairegillian.com/ (link to this month's post)
Jarrah Dale - http://brattysramblings.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
SinisterCola - http://acgatesblog.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
dolores haze - http://dianedooley.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
pyrosama - http://matrix-hole.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
Alynza - http://www.alynzasmith.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
writingismypassion - http://charityfaye.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
Cath - http://www.cathsmith.com/ (link to this month's post)
Inkstrokes - http://drlong67.wordpress.com/ (link to this month's post)
egoodlett - http://wordlarceny.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
LadyDae - http://ladydaewrites.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)
SuzanneSeese - You are here!
Anarchicq - http://anarchicq.com/ (link to this month's post)
Stu Ayris - http://tollesburytimeforever.blogspot.com/ (link to this month's post)

In transition

This blog is in a transitional phase. From entertainment to a writer's blog. It's been stagnate long enough. I plan to post some of my other writing here, serious stuff that doesn't fit on Farvel Cargo the humor blog. If any of you writers want to be added to my blog roll let me know.
I've joined a writers forum called Absolute Write and plan to use this blog for writing prompts and their blog chain prompts. I'm excited. I still watch too much TV but haven't the time to blog about it. I have to go work on my header now.

Up coming post: A Book Blurb - I have to write a blurb for a book that I have wrote, I am writing or want to write, then post it here. I have just started on a book and I will be posting the blurb when it's my turn. I'm really nervous. Mommy.......

Once Upon A Time

Remember back when you were a little kid, before you could read? I know it's difficult but try to remember those stories our parents read to us. That's what ABC's latest Fall Show, Once Upon A Time is doing to me. It's making me search the dusty, cobwebbed corners of my brain, trying to remember who the hell is Rumplestiltskin. I recall the name but can't remember his part in my childhood stories.

I remember reading to my kids before they could read right before bed. You want them to go to sleep, you're tired, so you skip a few pages. It happens, everyone does it. Our parents must have done it because I can't remember most of this stuff going on in this show. I've been googling Story Book Stories since I decided to invest an hour of my week every Sunday.

My theory is our parents skipped some pages to get us to go to bed quicker and to save us the nightmares from these conniving, heart stealing, black market baby racketeers. Along came Political Correctness and the pages were taken out. So now that we are old enough to handle the cruel world that is Snow Whites, there is no documentation to back it up, it's been erased.
We can march into our parents house and demand to know the whole story on this Rumplestiltskin or we can watch Once Upon A Time on Sunday nights. Because these people aren't afraid of the truth, they are filling in the blanks and I'm loving this show. I didn't think it would suck me in the way it has, the fact that it's executive producer and creator Edward Kitsis is a former producer of LOST might have something to do with it. If you are aware of the LOST connection then you can't help but see the numbers everywhere and it sends chills up my spine. "Oh my God the evil mayor's address is 108!"

Ladies and Gentlemen was that boring or what?

I guess I should post one last review of Dancing With The Stars lack luster final. I'm really not sure if anyone is reading this but I'll do it anyway.
Here's the thing, I think Kirstie has a bigger fan base than Hines Ward but I couldn't vote for after seeing that God awful cartwheel that had no place in a Dancing With The Stars Final and I don't think I was alone on this, just look for yourself:


So I didn't vote for her. And I don't think I'm alone when I say, again, I can't stand Mark Ballas. I'm sad for Maks not getting his Mirror Ball Trophy but he really needs to step it up with his final freestyle dances. Get flashy like a Broadway Show, their costumes didn't even have any sequence on them. Kirstie looked like a monk at first and then she took her brown robe off, they looked they were dressed for rehearsal. Very disappointing. Maks just never delivers on the last dance, the dance that counts. You'd think he'd have learned by now.

A new season starts in September and of course I'll be watching. This season had a nice bunch of stars with no ringer, but it was still apparent who the judges wanted in the finals. I've learned to just be entertained by the dancing and ignore the judges. It's just a stupid Mirror Ball Trophy.

Hopefully I can continue to post on this blog through the summer. I'm going to try to catch the reruns of Raising Hope, I saw a few episodes of it and it's really funny.

I have 2 blogs, www.skirt.com that I blog for and I'm trying to get published. But I'd rather be writing than almost anything.

Ladies and Gentlemen this is getting dangerous!

I'm going to post the video of that Pittsburgh Steeler trying to break Kim Johnson's neck, very scary and hard to watch. They will probably win the Giant Mirror Ball Trophy now. I would like to see Kim win but not a Pittsburgh Steeler. If he wasn't on that damn team I would vote for them. I'm trying to decide if their perfect scores were sympathy 10's or if they deserved them, but I'm so anti-Pittsburgh Steeler I just can't make the call.

Here is the video:

There is no way they will be going home tonight. I think Ralph is done, that's my prediction. I really want to see Mark go. Go, go, go. Before I hit you in the face. I'm sure he will be around for the finals, damn. Kirstie and Maks have a huge fan base and should come in third.

So the Pittsburgh Steeler gets the Giant Mirror Ball Trophy, cute little Disney Star Chelsea Kane who got stuck with "what the hell is he on?" Mark, he yelled at her in rehearsal, will be second. Pretty sure Kirstie third and the Karate Kid goes home tonight. I could be wrong, if I am, I'll be surprised.

Now let's get to the real fun last night. How many people over the age of, let's say 10, need to have the concept of a coin toss explained to them? Really Brooke Burke, how many?



Is there a female equivalent of Tom Bergeron out there? I think not. But is there someone just a little bit smarter than Brooke, yes. Dancing With The Stars, please go find her.
And then Bruno got bleeped. I think he went too far, this is a family show Bruno! You can tell Karina was offended and pissed.


I usually don't watch much of the "Somebodies going home tonight" Tuesday episode, actually just the last 5 minutes. I especially won't be watching tonight because Cheryl and Nick Lachey, I don't even care if I spelled his last name right, are dancing their stupid Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy dance again, Gah!

Ladies and Gentlemen We're Down to 5

I'm just not going to vote anymore. I'm happy with this final 5 but can not cast another vote. At this moment I don't care who wins the Giant Mirror Ball, they are all just about even, I'm okay with the chips falling as they may.
There is no way I can vote for a Pittsburgh Steeler. I was raised to hate them, I am a Cleveland fan. I know, one of the hardest things in the world to do is be a Cleveland Browns fan but I'm stuck with this legacy. I blame my ancestors for migrating to Northeast Ohio and staying here. Thereby sealing my fate, destine to cheer on losing teams for all eternity.
I'm not going to vote for the over dancing Mark, cause I hate him, as I've said before, sorry Chelsea.
How can I justify voting for someone rolling on the floor in pain? Ralph's day are numbered and I'm not going to be part of the crowd that feels sorry for him and votes for him to stay in the stupid competition and be a part of the reason he becomes crippled. Can't do that to the Karate Kid, who for some reason has decided to finally do something with his hair and use guy-liner the last 2 dances.
Um, when I saw Kirstie bounce down the stairs in practice I decided as much as I love to watch Maks, I have YouTube. Let's put them both out of their misery. Something didn't sit right with me after watching them last night, something changed in their relationship/partnership. Maybe Kirstie hit her head, I don't know but that's all the speculating I'm going to do.
And then I really had to sit and think who is the 5th dancer and celebrity? Oh that Romeo kid and whatshername. I wouldn't mind if they won it all just to piss off Mark. Muh ha ha.

What the hell is he doing?

Ladies and Gentlemen this is Dancing With the Stars. We only have 6 couples left and if I had to say, if I had to be forced to say who I thought would be the winner of the Big Giant Mirror Ball Trophy it would probably be Hines Ward. Blah, the Pittsburgh Steeler. I can't see Kendra winning, she has to be alienating more and more fans each week. Men can fart on TV, women can't. That's the rules, I don't make them up but I adhere to them. Who is voting for her?

Kirstie is running out of steam. With two dances the rest of the way I just don't think Maks has the strength to drag her around the dance floor much longer. But she does look good. I just watched their first dance on YouTube and she's visibly thinner. But she is 60.

I feel bad for Chelsea Kane, she has Mark as a partner and his an idiot. He over dances her and doesn't need to, she's good. I don't want him and his attitude to win, sorry Chelsea.

Romeo didn't do very well with his scores last night and I think either he or Kendra will go home tonight. And then we have Ralph who's on again, off again. On for the ballroom dances and off for the Latin dances. If he gets his hips moving he could win but I doubt it.

So tell me Mark Ballas, what is going on here after your got your scores and were not happy with them? What are you doing there with your hand?

Fake boobs, cape mishaps and banana hammocks, ladies and gentlemen this is Dancing With The Stars

Guilty pleasures night, yikes:

Okay so Louis wants Kendra to shake everything that God gave her and she said God didn't give her these boobs. I hear ya Kendra, he didn't give me much either. But I stuck with what he gave me because, well I'm not a stripper/Playboy Bunny/pole dancing whore. Kendra shook. All three judges were turned on, even Bruno and I thought he was gay. Kendra is not going to shake the whole stripper/Playboy Bunny/pole dancing whore thing when Bruno wants to do it on the judges table with her and threw money at her. I thought he was gay. Thank you Bruno for keeping elegance in the ballroom on this family show. Kendra is offended when Carrie Ann tells her she's afraid of elegance but not when Bruno wants to have sex with her on live television.

The premise behind Guilty Pleasures Night is that the songs that are picked are songs we like but are embarrassed to tell anyone. So I got to hear MmmBop by Hanson. And sung by Hanson all grown up. No wonder I'm in such a good mood today, the song has been stuck in my head since last night. I think I'll get it as a ringtone.

Ralph, what the hell? He looked 10 years younger last night. What did they do to him? It's got to be spray tan or a face lift. He was in this ridiculous costume with a humongous cape and Karina had a cape dress thing. They were flapping those capes around like they were trying to take flight and inevitably Karina tripped on Ralph's cape and fell. She was explaining what happened but our stellar interviewer, Brooke, cut her off, because she sucks at her job. So Karina being Maks' ex fell on the dance floor too .... hmmmm. I don't know if those two get along but maybe she had a little smirk when Maks fell and this is karma paying her back. I guess we'll see, if Ralph loses his shoe next week.
Tom Bergeron, God's wonderful gift to Live Television, set up an Elton John video for us and pointed out that one of the dancers to I'm Still Standing was none other than Bruno. Bruno on the beach in a banana hammock. Yeah, he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Dear God, Maks I've missed you!

I almost forgot the password to this blog. I've been taking writing classes but can not remain silent any longer. I must log my thoughts of my beloved "Ladies and Gentlemen this is Dancing With The Stars!" I put last season behind me and have moved on, I am back to being a huge fan. After seeing Maks rip his shirt off, who wouldn't? Was he dancing with someone? Probably Kirstie Alley but I didn't see her during that dance, he had leather pants on, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I've watched it about 17 times.


I want Kendra to go home tonight. Why? Because after watching all of the 11 and half seasons, I have never heard a woman on the show blame a bad dance on her period. Gah! Graciously go home Kendra. In case the definition of gracious escapes you, here you go: pleasantly kind and courteous. Go, go, go.

Petra should be limited to 2 sentences at a time or be interviewed by somebody competent, like not Brooke. Please let this be Brooke Burkes last season.

Hines Ward, he's doing very well but he's a Pittsburgh Steeler and I want him to fail miserably, then I'll start waving a towel around. I don't know who that cute little Chelsea is but she's with Mark and I hate him. Who else is left? Oh the Karate Kid, Ralph, I like him. He's really good with the ballroom dances but he has no hip action. Bruno wants to see sex for those Latin dances. You hear me, sex! Then we have Master Do Wop Diddy Wop Wop's son Romeo and he's doing a 100% better job than his father, which let's face it, not difficult since no one has ever received 2's before in the entire history of the show, ever. And we have Chris Jericho left, I didn't like him at first but he's starting to grow on me and the judges are pleasantly surprise.

So let's see if I can keep up with this blog, Farvel Cargo, http://www.skirt.com/ which I'm suppose to be blogging for and school. What a drag having to go to work everyday.

My new favorite TV show Modern Family because Dancing With The Stars is dead to me this season

Modern Family is my new favorite show. It won't be reviewed weekly because the shows I pick to review, I usually make fun of, reality TV comes to mind. So I'll probably wait for the new season of Survivor to start, because the spoilers I hear coming from the Survivor spoiler camp are going to be too good to pass up, we're talking a jump the shark event of biblical proportion. I'm not sure when the next season of Survivor starts as the season now is only half way through.

There will be a lot of reruns starting during the blessed holiday season so I will try to keep you amused with my quick wit. We will go into indepth discussions on commercials and TV clips like this one from the latest episode of Modern Family, my new favorite TV show.

I can't believe I just wrote that

I've made up my mind. I've thought about this all week. Dancing With The Stars is my very best source of mindless entertainment. I can put the show on and be wildly entertained, forget the world around me; work, the global warming scam, the threat of the U.S. economy coming to a crashing halt, the Iranians nuking us and what to wear to the Christmas party.

Somehow, somewhere, sometime, somebody ruined my favorite show. It's obvious the judges are bias and trying to steer the show into predetermined direction. I understand they are judges but they don't have to be rude, Bruno. I'm tired of the same guy, Derek, making it to the finals every season. I can't stand Lacey, she's full of herself and Mark is almost as annoying as Derek. I watch the show because the dancers have become my stars. I barely know who these stars are half the time they are introduced season after season.

This season burst my Dancing With The Stars bubble. So 'Show' get it together next season. I know you've lost fans this season, I read the message boards. Think about this, really think, what "star" is going to want to be on Dancing With The Stars after this season? What "star" is going to want to devote months of busting their asses, risking injury to be ridiculed and given the shaft for ratings? Seriously, they have better ways of jump starting their careers that are a lot easier. They can admit a drug problem and go into rehab, write a book about their broken childhood, drive drunk, relapse and go back into rehab.

Please bring back the show I use to love'

What did I make my mind up about? I won't be watching the season finale. And I can't believe I just wrote that.

The worse final three in Dancing With The Stars history

I took notes and sat through this whole damn show to see the worse final three dancers assembled ever. I knew it was going to happen but I watched anyway. Maybe tomorrow I'll write the review, tonight I'm to cynical to write it. I took this season way to seriously, it's just a stupid reality show.

It's the Dancing With The Stars Sob Story Episode

It appears Maks and Carrie Anne have kissed and made up or were told to shut up. The Latin dances are first tonight on Dancing With The Stars and the stars have to dance a little solo during this first dance. Brandy and Maks received all 9's. Which was fair, their dance didn't seem to have that wow factor. Come on Maks step it up, it's the semi-finals and you've never won the giant mirror ball trophy. I'm disappointed, especially since Diva and Derek got a perfect score of 30. I'll have to admit, it was a pretty good Cha-Cha and we saw no crying or limping so far. What angle is she going to play this week?

I'm totally expecting Bristol to crack under pressure and suck, but look at her go, she's so cute. All 9's? Tied with my Maks? I'm nervous. The chubby couple is next, jeez it's got to be my new TV. Everyone looks heavier. It's HD, LED wide screen something, it's bothering me more than a little bit.

Okay, now we're getting ready for the ballroom dances but first before every dance we get to see an up close and personal package of "who's gone through the most drama in their life" nonsense. Cry me a river. They are playing with our emotions and toying with us. Can't they just dance? Kyle has absolutely no drama to dwell on, try as he might he can't compete with being accused of murder, being called an unwed slut or having a broken neck. They showed us some run down apartment buildings that he probably didn't live in.

Brandy and Diva both received perfect scores, Bristol is in last place.....again.

I think the judges have anointed Diva the chosen one and I'm scared for Maks. Bristol doesn't belong in the finals but I think she'll be there. I'm thinking Brandy or Kyle will go and that's a shame.

Dance Center, It's Time For Dance Center!

Let me just start off by saying the husband is watching Dancing With The Stars Results Show with me tonight. My notes are a mess. The husband would rather stick a fork in his eye than watch Dancing With The Stars. But both of us are to tired to get off the couch. He's decided to sit through "an hour of torture". I think he just misses me. But I wish he'd shut up, he's a major distraction.

Lacey and Kyle got the encore dance, meh, it's the instant dance, oh and they are safe, gah!

Kenny Maine, Jerry Rice and Len are the highlight of the results shows, it's the only one I look forward to. Maybe Kenny Maine can take Brooke Burkes place. Hey, I think I'm on to something here. Okay there are two guest singers and I don't know their names. "What did they just call him?'" I asked the husband. "Huh?"

OMG, do you see those cute kids? Two little mini dancers couples and one mini pianist, average age maybe 12ish. I think one of these little couples was on America's Got Talent, I'm sure of it.

Not only did the husband distract me while Dancing With The Stars was on, but now he's decided to sing while I write. There is definately something wrong with him tonight.

Okay Lacey and Kyle are safe and so are Diva and Derek. Then to the amazement of the entire universe Bristol is proclaimed safe. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Maks and Brandy are in jeopardy along with Kurt and Anna. If Maks is gone this week I will forever hate Carrie Anne Inaba, forever. She tries to get the last word in while Maks is standing under the red light waiting his fate, by telling him she has always respected the Pro dancers. Right, just some more than others.

Kurt, the charming one is going home, I said I would be sad but thank God it's him and not Maks.

"You think he's hot?"

"Dear God yes, he's a babe."

I tell him this only because he once told me if Meg Ryan ever came knocking on our door he'd kick me to the curb.

Maks and Carrie Anne Smack Down

This is the argument I spoke of in my last post between Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Carrie Anne Inaba. It was great. Carrie Anne is such a Jennifer Grey lover and it shows in her judging. Maks doesn't take any crap and said, "Give us a 7 then." Almost daring her. She gave them a 9 and I can guarantee if they stay in it after tonight's elimination show Maks and Brandy won't be receiving any 10's from Carrie Anne anytime soon.

Dancing With The Stars Insta Dancing and all that messing about

Honest to God I can't tell if Kyle and Lacey are dancing well because I can't stop looking at Lacey's mess of a dress. What the hell's going on with it? It's indescribable. First of all it makes her look 67 pounds heavier. They are now the chubby couple. Seriously, he hasn't lost any weight and she looks like she's gained, well 67 pounds. Maybe it's my new TV.

Diva Grey is next and it appears we are going to hear about how her body is falling apart. Really? Wouldn't it be great if people stopped voting for her and put her out of her misery? Dare to dream. OMG, enough already, a doctor visits during practice and tells Diva that her knee is ripping apart. Her father, Joel Grey, huh, he's still alive, stops by practice and tells her the show must go on. And she tells us she must dance for her daughter. She's covering all the bases. Florence Henderson tried that Jennifer. Of course the judges love her and we get to see a replay of rehearsal where she miserably limps off the dance floor. Are we watching a woman fall apart on live television or an Oscar winning performance?

Kurt and Anna, he's so charming. He's not going to win and knows it. I've decided I like him and will be sad when he leaves.

While these dances are going on the couples that have already danced are practicing for their instant dance. The next stupid twist this season. They don't get their music until after their last dance and have 20 minutes to put the dance together, they just know what kind of dance. All the makings of a train wreck.

Kurt and Anna get all 8's, third place so far. But Bristol still has to dance. She's getting her freak on and tied with Kurt. Mark and Bristol make it back to be painfully interviewed by Brooke Burke. They pick their music and, this is awesome, walk away from Brooke's outstretched arm with the microphone she holds onto for dear life, just dangling in mid air. And she continues to smile.

Ah Maks, oh and Brandi too. They dance an awesome waltz and the judges love them. Almost a perfect score, 29, they are in the lead.

So now we have the instant dance and I don't know if I'm going to like all this messing about. But as it turns out they're really good. Good enough that Derek and Diva get a perfect score and amazingly Diva is jumping up and down on the ripped up knee, she's such a trooper.

Kurt and Bristol give a great effort but they get the lowest scores of the night. Maks and Brandi do the Cha Cha, but start off sitting on the steps and this sends a bug up Carrie Anne's butt. She and Maks go at it talking at the same time so I don't know what either of them said but I think Maks won. He got the last word in back during the Brooke Burke interview, after they got their score which tied them with Diva and Derek.

I'm looking forward to Dance Center tomorrow and hopefully the Macy's dancing people will stay home.

Dancing With The Stars and Election Coverage Done Good

An hour and a half? Dancing With The Stars is stretching out the results show for an hour and a half? Oh I see, how considerate. ABC is allowing for election coverage. Maks and Brandy are safe! Bristol and Mark are in jeopardy. I can not think of one person who would be surprised by that.

The Macy's Stars of Dance are killing sometime. Am I the only one that finds them a total bore? We got to see Marie Osmond faint again. That just never gets old, ha. She won most Dramatic Award. Dancing With The Stars is giving out awards. Huh.

Election Coverage

Taylor Swift, is she suppose to be good?

Another award, Best Worst Dancer. There have been a lot of stars that have sucked over the years, I don't know how they narrowed it down. My vote would have been for Master Do Woop Diddle (he doesn't deserve a link) he annoyed thhe hell out of me. Kenny Maine won it though, I love him and his humor.

Brooke is interviewing badly again. Please let this be her last season. Diva Grey is crying some more and we get to see more crying next week because she's safe. Rick Fox is in jeopardy, he's a stiff, he should be in jeopardy.

Can I just break off from my review to let you know that I have been exiled to the bedroom to watch Dancing With The Stars on the small TV. The husband is watching constant election coverage and claimed the new TV. The dog, who is also a Dancing With The Stars fan, is watching with me. Well she's trying to, she must have had a rough day. I let her know when they proclaim safety and jeopardy, she doesn't have time for the rest of this nonsense.

Rod Stewart is singing an old song, not one of his old songs, just an old song. Is he almost done?

Let's watch some crazy judge's moments.

Election coverage. What kind of crazy ass moron do you have to be to vote for Dennis Kucinich? ABC is handling one of TV's top rated shows and election coverage very well, I'm impressed.

Kyle is in jeopardy. Look, the bottom three couples in jeopardy are from the "Team Kristi" group dance.

So how tall is Taylor Swift? Tom Bergeron is standing next to her and he looks short. Maybe he's just short. But this is the first time I've noticed. Taylor Swift is tall.

The dog is totally out, I'm beginning to think she doesn't care who gets eliminated.

Holy Crap, Bristol's safe, this is going to piss off a lot of people. I can't wait to get on the message boards tomorrow. Oh boy, Carrie Ann Inaba is going to need a sedative, Rick Fox has been eliminated, she has it bad for Rick. I'm surprised, I thought Bristol or Kyle would go.

Until next week, the dog and I are tired.

The 200th Episode Frigging Extravaganza

Dancing With The Stars Review:

Holy Crap! We're starting at the end. For years I have watched Derek Hough nervously tap, tap, tap, tap his dancing partners shoulder during the judging and interviews to the point that I want to smack him, hard. Tonight Diva Grey snapped, she smacked his hand away and said. "STOP IT!" Finally.

You'd think someone would have said something by now. You'd think he would have seen it on a re-cap. It isn't like they don't ever replay anything.

There were team dances tonight with team captains, because it was a extravaganza you know. There were stars from all the previous seasons. Star judges, who thought very highly of themselves. All the individual dances were remakes of popular dances. The hell? Every week it's a different theme or twist. The show is great, stop fixing what isn't broken.

I didn't take notes during the star studded extravanganza for several reasons. We got a new TV and for some reason we have to use two remotes, that's so 1990's. I couldn't get the right channel on and panicked.

"Boy #2! Boy #2! Fix the TV! Dancing With The Stars started."

"Huh?"

"Fix the TV. The TV! Put Dancing With The Stars on!"

"Oh." He then went on to explain what went wrong and I told him to shut up so I could watch. I have no patience when I'm sick, that's my other reason for no notes. And also the dog decided to snuggle up to me on the couch. Unconditional love baby, she don't care about no stinking blog.

Brandy and Diva are tied for first and Bristol Palin is in last place. Bristol should go home tomorrow. But she seems to have a huge fan base and that's saying a lot in Hollywood. America is speaking up finally.