Fake boobs, cape mishaps and banana hammocks, ladies and gentlemen this is Dancing With The Stars

Guilty pleasures night, yikes:

Okay so Louis wants Kendra to shake everything that God gave her and she said God didn't give her these boobs. I hear ya Kendra, he didn't give me much either. But I stuck with what he gave me because, well I'm not a stripper/Playboy Bunny/pole dancing whore. Kendra shook. All three judges were turned on, even Bruno and I thought he was gay. Kendra is not going to shake the whole stripper/Playboy Bunny/pole dancing whore thing when Bruno wants to do it on the judges table with her and threw money at her. I thought he was gay. Thank you Bruno for keeping elegance in the ballroom on this family show. Kendra is offended when Carrie Ann tells her she's afraid of elegance but not when Bruno wants to have sex with her on live television.

The premise behind Guilty Pleasures Night is that the songs that are picked are songs we like but are embarrassed to tell anyone. So I got to hear MmmBop by Hanson. And sung by Hanson all grown up. No wonder I'm in such a good mood today, the song has been stuck in my head since last night. I think I'll get it as a ringtone.

Ralph, what the hell? He looked 10 years younger last night. What did they do to him? It's got to be spray tan or a face lift. He was in this ridiculous costume with a humongous cape and Karina had a cape dress thing. They were flapping those capes around like they were trying to take flight and inevitably Karina tripped on Ralph's cape and fell. She was explaining what happened but our stellar interviewer, Brooke, cut her off, because she sucks at her job. So Karina being Maks' ex fell on the dance floor too .... hmmmm. I don't know if those two get along but maybe she had a little smirk when Maks fell and this is karma paying her back. I guess we'll see, if Ralph loses his shoe next week.
Tom Bergeron, God's wonderful gift to Live Television, set up an Elton John video for us and pointed out that one of the dancers to I'm Still Standing was none other than Bruno. Bruno on the beach in a banana hammock. Yeah, he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Dance Center, It's Time For Dance Center!

Let me just start off by saying the husband is watching Dancing With The Stars Results Show with me tonight. My notes are a mess. The husband would rather stick a fork in his eye than watch Dancing With The Stars. But both of us are to tired to get off the couch. He's decided to sit through "an hour of torture". I think he just misses me. But I wish he'd shut up, he's a major distraction.

Lacey and Kyle got the encore dance, meh, it's the instant dance, oh and they are safe, gah!

Kenny Maine, Jerry Rice and Len are the highlight of the results shows, it's the only one I look forward to. Maybe Kenny Maine can take Brooke Burkes place. Hey, I think I'm on to something here. Okay there are two guest singers and I don't know their names. "What did they just call him?'" I asked the husband. "Huh?"

OMG, do you see those cute kids? Two little mini dancers couples and one mini pianist, average age maybe 12ish. I think one of these little couples was on America's Got Talent, I'm sure of it.

Not only did the husband distract me while Dancing With The Stars was on, but now he's decided to sing while I write. There is definately something wrong with him tonight.

Okay Lacey and Kyle are safe and so are Diva and Derek. Then to the amazement of the entire universe Bristol is proclaimed safe. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Maks and Brandy are in jeopardy along with Kurt and Anna. If Maks is gone this week I will forever hate Carrie Anne Inaba, forever. She tries to get the last word in while Maks is standing under the red light waiting his fate, by telling him she has always respected the Pro dancers. Right, just some more than others.

Kurt, the charming one is going home, I said I would be sad but thank God it's him and not Maks.

"You think he's hot?"

"Dear God yes, he's a babe."

I tell him this only because he once told me if Meg Ryan ever came knocking on our door he'd kick me to the curb.

Maks and Carrie Anne Smack Down

This is the argument I spoke of in my last post between Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Carrie Anne Inaba. It was great. Carrie Anne is such a Jennifer Grey lover and it shows in her judging. Maks doesn't take any crap and said, "Give us a 7 then." Almost daring her. She gave them a 9 and I can guarantee if they stay in it after tonight's elimination show Maks and Brandy won't be receiving any 10's from Carrie Anne anytime soon.

Dancing With The Stars and Election Coverage Done Good

An hour and a half? Dancing With The Stars is stretching out the results show for an hour and a half? Oh I see, how considerate. ABC is allowing for election coverage. Maks and Brandy are safe! Bristol and Mark are in jeopardy. I can not think of one person who would be surprised by that.

The Macy's Stars of Dance are killing sometime. Am I the only one that finds them a total bore? We got to see Marie Osmond faint again. That just never gets old, ha. She won most Dramatic Award. Dancing With The Stars is giving out awards. Huh.

Election Coverage

Taylor Swift, is she suppose to be good?

Another award, Best Worst Dancer. There have been a lot of stars that have sucked over the years, I don't know how they narrowed it down. My vote would have been for Master Do Woop Diddle (he doesn't deserve a link) he annoyed thhe hell out of me. Kenny Maine won it though, I love him and his humor.

Brooke is interviewing badly again. Please let this be her last season. Diva Grey is crying some more and we get to see more crying next week because she's safe. Rick Fox is in jeopardy, he's a stiff, he should be in jeopardy.

Can I just break off from my review to let you know that I have been exiled to the bedroom to watch Dancing With The Stars on the small TV. The husband is watching constant election coverage and claimed the new TV. The dog, who is also a Dancing With The Stars fan, is watching with me. Well she's trying to, she must have had a rough day. I let her know when they proclaim safety and jeopardy, she doesn't have time for the rest of this nonsense.

Rod Stewart is singing an old song, not one of his old songs, just an old song. Is he almost done?

Let's watch some crazy judge's moments.

Election coverage. What kind of crazy ass moron do you have to be to vote for Dennis Kucinich? ABC is handling one of TV's top rated shows and election coverage very well, I'm impressed.

Kyle is in jeopardy. Look, the bottom three couples in jeopardy are from the "Team Kristi" group dance.

So how tall is Taylor Swift? Tom Bergeron is standing next to her and he looks short. Maybe he's just short. But this is the first time I've noticed. Taylor Swift is tall.

The dog is totally out, I'm beginning to think she doesn't care who gets eliminated.

Holy Crap, Bristol's safe, this is going to piss off a lot of people. I can't wait to get on the message boards tomorrow. Oh boy, Carrie Ann Inaba is going to need a sedative, Rick Fox has been eliminated, she has it bad for Rick. I'm surprised, I thought Bristol or Kyle would go.

Until next week, the dog and I are tired.