My new favorite TV show Modern Family because Dancing With The Stars is dead to me this season

Modern Family is my new favorite show. It won't be reviewed weekly because the shows I pick to review, I usually make fun of, reality TV comes to mind. So I'll probably wait for the new season of Survivor to start, because the spoilers I hear coming from the Survivor spoiler camp are going to be too good to pass up, we're talking a jump the shark event of biblical proportion. I'm not sure when the next season of Survivor starts as the season now is only half way through.

There will be a lot of reruns starting during the blessed holiday season so I will try to keep you amused with my quick wit. We will go into indepth discussions on commercials and TV clips like this one from the latest episode of Modern Family, my new favorite TV show.

I can't believe I just wrote that

I've made up my mind. I've thought about this all week. Dancing With The Stars is my very best source of mindless entertainment. I can put the show on and be wildly entertained, forget the world around me; work, the global warming scam, the threat of the U.S. economy coming to a crashing halt, the Iranians nuking us and what to wear to the Christmas party.

Somehow, somewhere, sometime, somebody ruined my favorite show. It's obvious the judges are bias and trying to steer the show into predetermined direction. I understand they are judges but they don't have to be rude, Bruno. I'm tired of the same guy, Derek, making it to the finals every season. I can't stand Lacey, she's full of herself and Mark is almost as annoying as Derek. I watch the show because the dancers have become my stars. I barely know who these stars are half the time they are introduced season after season.

This season burst my Dancing With The Stars bubble. So 'Show' get it together next season. I know you've lost fans this season, I read the message boards. Think about this, really think, what "star" is going to want to be on Dancing With The Stars after this season? What "star" is going to want to devote months of busting their asses, risking injury to be ridiculed and given the shaft for ratings? Seriously, they have better ways of jump starting their careers that are a lot easier. They can admit a drug problem and go into rehab, write a book about their broken childhood, drive drunk, relapse and go back into rehab.

Please bring back the show I use to love'

What did I make my mind up about? I won't be watching the season finale. And I can't believe I just wrote that.

The worse final three in Dancing With The Stars history

I took notes and sat through this whole damn show to see the worse final three dancers assembled ever. I knew it was going to happen but I watched anyway. Maybe tomorrow I'll write the review, tonight I'm to cynical to write it. I took this season way to seriously, it's just a stupid reality show.

It's the Dancing With The Stars Sob Story Episode

It appears Maks and Carrie Anne have kissed and made up or were told to shut up. The Latin dances are first tonight on Dancing With The Stars and the stars have to dance a little solo during this first dance. Brandy and Maks received all 9's. Which was fair, their dance didn't seem to have that wow factor. Come on Maks step it up, it's the semi-finals and you've never won the giant mirror ball trophy. I'm disappointed, especially since Diva and Derek got a perfect score of 30. I'll have to admit, it was a pretty good Cha-Cha and we saw no crying or limping so far. What angle is she going to play this week?

I'm totally expecting Bristol to crack under pressure and suck, but look at her go, she's so cute. All 9's? Tied with my Maks? I'm nervous. The chubby couple is next, jeez it's got to be my new TV. Everyone looks heavier. It's HD, LED wide screen something, it's bothering me more than a little bit.

Okay, now we're getting ready for the ballroom dances but first before every dance we get to see an up close and personal package of "who's gone through the most drama in their life" nonsense. Cry me a river. They are playing with our emotions and toying with us. Can't they just dance? Kyle has absolutely no drama to dwell on, try as he might he can't compete with being accused of murder, being called an unwed slut or having a broken neck. They showed us some run down apartment buildings that he probably didn't live in.

Brandy and Diva both received perfect scores, Bristol is in last place.....again.

I think the judges have anointed Diva the chosen one and I'm scared for Maks. Bristol doesn't belong in the finals but I think she'll be there. I'm thinking Brandy or Kyle will go and that's a shame.

Dance Center, It's Time For Dance Center!

Let me just start off by saying the husband is watching Dancing With The Stars Results Show with me tonight. My notes are a mess. The husband would rather stick a fork in his eye than watch Dancing With The Stars. But both of us are to tired to get off the couch. He's decided to sit through "an hour of torture". I think he just misses me. But I wish he'd shut up, he's a major distraction.

Lacey and Kyle got the encore dance, meh, it's the instant dance, oh and they are safe, gah!

Kenny Maine, Jerry Rice and Len are the highlight of the results shows, it's the only one I look forward to. Maybe Kenny Maine can take Brooke Burkes place. Hey, I think I'm on to something here. Okay there are two guest singers and I don't know their names. "What did they just call him?'" I asked the husband. "Huh?"

OMG, do you see those cute kids? Two little mini dancers couples and one mini pianist, average age maybe 12ish. I think one of these little couples was on America's Got Talent, I'm sure of it.

Not only did the husband distract me while Dancing With The Stars was on, but now he's decided to sing while I write. There is definately something wrong with him tonight.

Okay Lacey and Kyle are safe and so are Diva and Derek. Then to the amazement of the entire universe Bristol is proclaimed safe. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Maks and Brandy are in jeopardy along with Kurt and Anna. If Maks is gone this week I will forever hate Carrie Anne Inaba, forever. She tries to get the last word in while Maks is standing under the red light waiting his fate, by telling him she has always respected the Pro dancers. Right, just some more than others.

Kurt, the charming one is going home, I said I would be sad but thank God it's him and not Maks.

"You think he's hot?"

"Dear God yes, he's a babe."

I tell him this only because he once told me if Meg Ryan ever came knocking on our door he'd kick me to the curb.

Maks and Carrie Anne Smack Down

This is the argument I spoke of in my last post between Maksim Chmerkovskiy and Carrie Anne Inaba. It was great. Carrie Anne is such a Jennifer Grey lover and it shows in her judging. Maks doesn't take any crap and said, "Give us a 7 then." Almost daring her. She gave them a 9 and I can guarantee if they stay in it after tonight's elimination show Maks and Brandy won't be receiving any 10's from Carrie Anne anytime soon.

Dancing With The Stars Insta Dancing and all that messing about

Honest to God I can't tell if Kyle and Lacey are dancing well because I can't stop looking at Lacey's mess of a dress. What the hell's going on with it? It's indescribable. First of all it makes her look 67 pounds heavier. They are now the chubby couple. Seriously, he hasn't lost any weight and she looks like she's gained, well 67 pounds. Maybe it's my new TV.

Diva Grey is next and it appears we are going to hear about how her body is falling apart. Really? Wouldn't it be great if people stopped voting for her and put her out of her misery? Dare to dream. OMG, enough already, a doctor visits during practice and tells Diva that her knee is ripping apart. Her father, Joel Grey, huh, he's still alive, stops by practice and tells her the show must go on. And she tells us she must dance for her daughter. She's covering all the bases. Florence Henderson tried that Jennifer. Of course the judges love her and we get to see a replay of rehearsal where she miserably limps off the dance floor. Are we watching a woman fall apart on live television or an Oscar winning performance?

Kurt and Anna, he's so charming. He's not going to win and knows it. I've decided I like him and will be sad when he leaves.

While these dances are going on the couples that have already danced are practicing for their instant dance. The next stupid twist this season. They don't get their music until after their last dance and have 20 minutes to put the dance together, they just know what kind of dance. All the makings of a train wreck.

Kurt and Anna get all 8's, third place so far. But Bristol still has to dance. She's getting her freak on and tied with Kurt. Mark and Bristol make it back to be painfully interviewed by Brooke Burke. They pick their music and, this is awesome, walk away from Brooke's outstretched arm with the microphone she holds onto for dear life, just dangling in mid air. And she continues to smile.

Ah Maks, oh and Brandi too. They dance an awesome waltz and the judges love them. Almost a perfect score, 29, they are in the lead.

So now we have the instant dance and I don't know if I'm going to like all this messing about. But as it turns out they're really good. Good enough that Derek and Diva get a perfect score and amazingly Diva is jumping up and down on the ripped up knee, she's such a trooper.

Kurt and Bristol give a great effort but they get the lowest scores of the night. Maks and Brandi do the Cha Cha, but start off sitting on the steps and this sends a bug up Carrie Anne's butt. She and Maks go at it talking at the same time so I don't know what either of them said but I think Maks won. He got the last word in back during the Brooke Burke interview, after they got their score which tied them with Diva and Derek.

I'm looking forward to Dance Center tomorrow and hopefully the Macy's dancing people will stay home.

Dancing With The Stars and Election Coverage Done Good

An hour and a half? Dancing With The Stars is stretching out the results show for an hour and a half? Oh I see, how considerate. ABC is allowing for election coverage. Maks and Brandy are safe! Bristol and Mark are in jeopardy. I can not think of one person who would be surprised by that.

The Macy's Stars of Dance are killing sometime. Am I the only one that finds them a total bore? We got to see Marie Osmond faint again. That just never gets old, ha. She won most Dramatic Award. Dancing With The Stars is giving out awards. Huh.

Election Coverage

Taylor Swift, is she suppose to be good?

Another award, Best Worst Dancer. There have been a lot of stars that have sucked over the years, I don't know how they narrowed it down. My vote would have been for Master Do Woop Diddle (he doesn't deserve a link) he annoyed thhe hell out of me. Kenny Maine won it though, I love him and his humor.

Brooke is interviewing badly again. Please let this be her last season. Diva Grey is crying some more and we get to see more crying next week because she's safe. Rick Fox is in jeopardy, he's a stiff, he should be in jeopardy.

Can I just break off from my review to let you know that I have been exiled to the bedroom to watch Dancing With The Stars on the small TV. The husband is watching constant election coverage and claimed the new TV. The dog, who is also a Dancing With The Stars fan, is watching with me. Well she's trying to, she must have had a rough day. I let her know when they proclaim safety and jeopardy, she doesn't have time for the rest of this nonsense.

Rod Stewart is singing an old song, not one of his old songs, just an old song. Is he almost done?

Let's watch some crazy judge's moments.

Election coverage. What kind of crazy ass moron do you have to be to vote for Dennis Kucinich? ABC is handling one of TV's top rated shows and election coverage very well, I'm impressed.

Kyle is in jeopardy. Look, the bottom three couples in jeopardy are from the "Team Kristi" group dance.

So how tall is Taylor Swift? Tom Bergeron is standing next to her and he looks short. Maybe he's just short. But this is the first time I've noticed. Taylor Swift is tall.

The dog is totally out, I'm beginning to think she doesn't care who gets eliminated.

Holy Crap, Bristol's safe, this is going to piss off a lot of people. I can't wait to get on the message boards tomorrow. Oh boy, Carrie Ann Inaba is going to need a sedative, Rick Fox has been eliminated, she has it bad for Rick. I'm surprised, I thought Bristol or Kyle would go.

Until next week, the dog and I are tired.

The 200th Episode Frigging Extravaganza

Dancing With The Stars Review:

Holy Crap! We're starting at the end. For years I have watched Derek Hough nervously tap, tap, tap, tap his dancing partners shoulder during the judging and interviews to the point that I want to smack him, hard. Tonight Diva Grey snapped, she smacked his hand away and said. "STOP IT!" Finally.

You'd think someone would have said something by now. You'd think he would have seen it on a re-cap. It isn't like they don't ever replay anything.

There were team dances tonight with team captains, because it was a extravaganza you know. There were stars from all the previous seasons. Star judges, who thought very highly of themselves. All the individual dances were remakes of popular dances. The hell? Every week it's a different theme or twist. The show is great, stop fixing what isn't broken.

I didn't take notes during the star studded extravanganza for several reasons. We got a new TV and for some reason we have to use two remotes, that's so 1990's. I couldn't get the right channel on and panicked.

"Boy #2! Boy #2! Fix the TV! Dancing With The Stars started."

"Huh?"

"Fix the TV. The TV! Put Dancing With The Stars on!"

"Oh." He then went on to explain what went wrong and I told him to shut up so I could watch. I have no patience when I'm sick, that's my other reason for no notes. And also the dog decided to snuggle up to me on the couch. Unconditional love baby, she don't care about no stinking blog.

Brandy and Diva are tied for first and Bristol Palin is in last place. Bristol should go home tomorrow. But she seems to have a huge fan base and that's saying a lot in Hollywood. America is speaking up finally.

Get right on out of here. Are you kidding me?

The two lowest scoring couples are safe, great. Jennifer Grey is in jeopardy and she pretends to faint, please diva. You're so pissed that you need Dancing With The Stars to try to jump start your career again that you are really starting to annoy me, I love Dancing With The Stars, stop ruining it for me. I saw you on the last episode of House, you weren't that great.

Heart! Barracuda! Awesome! Yeah, they're older now but they still sort of got it.

Kyle should stop talking so much and Lacey's attitude is getting on my last nerve, I hope they go this week. Really Kyle, stop talking.

Brett Michaels, why do we keep seeing this guy everywhere? How did he all of a sudden get popular and I hate that headband. I think that hair is attached to it and he's totally bald. Someone ask him to go swimming. Apparently he and Alice Cooper and some other guy are qualified to analyze the dances because it was rock week. Alice freaking Cooper watches Dancing With The Stars? Holy Crap. I guess I have now seen everything.

Macy's Stars of Dance, meh. Bathroom break.

Kylie Minogue, yet another guest is performing. Who the hell is she? And what the hell is going on behind her? Some kind of psycho musical chair dance with creepy dancers in long speedo swimsuits. Let's just get on with it already and tell Kyle and Lacey to go home, dance their last dance. He's sandwiched between Audrina and Jennifer of course he's going home. No. WTF? He's safe?

That means somebody better than half the couples left is going home an upset. Len says it's nonsense, damn right Len. "Go home Jennifer, Go home Jennifer", I started to chant. But no, it's Audrina. I have no idea who she is but she didn't deserve to go home yet, Tony's pissed.

It's time to separate the men from the boys voters!

I'm so stoked, it's rock week!

But first, let's re-cap. And just to mix up the re-capping a little bit, Dancing With The Stars is going to show us the top ten all time favorite dances throughout the years that I guess we were suppose to vote for, nobody told me about it.

Rock week will have to wait because it's a 2 hour show and it's not like we can't, at any given time of the day, look up our favorite dances on YouTube or anything. But I'll venture down Memory Lane with everyone else, what the hell. Just don't tell me that Drew Lachey's dance with Cheryl Burke, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy is in the top ten. I think what might have turned me off that guy is when he filled in for Samantha when she was on maternity leave, he was almost as bad as Brooke. And I really hated the dance.

"Oh, his dance is number 1? Huh." I get to watch this stupid dance again, wonderful.

Can we start rocking now? Because remember? I'm stoked.

Apparently when you're rocking it out on Dancing With The Stars, fire is involved and lots of it shooting out of stuff. Cool.

I've decided to systematically knock off the stars as I see fit. Jennifer Grey is blowing it and I think it's because she's a diva, I don't have time for diva's. Somebody give her a Snickers. The chubby kid, Kyle is dancing with Lacey Schwimmer, bleh. I think I've mentioned I don't like her. The two athletes are stiffs. Audrina Patridge has one facial expression and that's it, she can dance, but she's not selling it. Who's left? Bristol, she's slightly improving but I think she's gone as far as she can, either she or Kyle should go tomorrow or one of the stiffs. But not my Maks, he and Brandy are the top scorers again!

Hey Heart is going to perform tomorrow night, I'm stoked for Tuesday's show now.

Albert Reed on Dancing With The Stars

I don't know why, but this dance has been one of my favorites on Dancing With The Stars for a long time. Albert Reed, seasons ago but it was so entertaining. I put it up on this blog every once in a while. Hope you enjoy it:

Bring It Like Bruno A Little Harder

Did I call it or what? I'm frigging psychic. Brandy and my Maks got the encore dance, which had to be painful for Len because he doesn't like Maks and Mrs. Brady has danced her last dance. I'm so happy. I sat through the whole show because I'm forcing myself to focus on this blog and Dancing With The Stars is the show I picked to start reviewing again. So naturally the outcome should be the way I want it to be, because it's all about me.

The results show is hard to sit through, half of it is what we saw last night, you know, extreme re-capping. The other half is a menagerie of backstage drama, Brooke Burke's God awful interviews and now, apparently Dancing With The Stars commercials. They are kind of like the old Saturday Night Live commercials but really bad. Kind of like "who wants some more face time" commercials. Oh, Bruno would you like more face time? Great let's have you promote a fake dance video called Bring It Like Bruno A Little Harder. And let's put Mark in it without his shirt so he can show everyone he has a tattoo and Lacey should be in it because she thinks she's hotter than she really is.

Show of hands now, who threw-up a little bit in their mouth after watching that?

We got to see David Hasselhoff in one of these commercials. Thank God because who hasn't seen enough of him? I'm seriously out of the loop because I had no idea who the guest performers were, Shakira? and Jason Somebody. I don't know.

Mrs. Brady tried to make us cry when she got kicked off but we're just not buying what she's been trying to sell. And what's wrong with her mouth? It's like she's always chewing gum or her dentures don't fit right.

With her gone I feel the show has righted itself now and is back on track, we should be able to enjoy the rest of the season. The ick factor is gone.

Re-Capping the re-capping.....again

About 15 minutes into Dancing With The Stars, I realized, "Hey they're re-capping..... again." Like I said before nobody does re-capping like Dancing With The Stars. It's Extreme Re-capping. And it's usually done on the kick someone off Tuesday night show, so imagine my surprise when they started re-capping tonight on the Monday show. I could have finished my dishes.

Tonight is TV show theme night, dancing to television shows songs. I was so surprised when Mrs. Brady danced to, wait for it............... The Brady Bunch Song, huh....isn't that somethin'? Who saw that coming? Who saw Greg Brady coming? Ewwwww. The Brady Bunch was a joyful, playful, wholesome part of my childhood and Florence Henderson has crushed it, stomped on it and has me ready to throw up. Please whoever is voting for her......STOP! Stop for so many reasons, like the way Corky is jerking her 76, not 74, Jesus Christ her 76 year old body around the dance floor, something is going to break. One week she's telling us she's dancing for her dear departed husband and then this week she's telling us about the huge crush Greg Brady had on her and she's not telling us if anything happened between them. Huh? Gross. Decide on what angle you want to play the audience with Mrs. Brady. I don't know about anyone else but slutty grandma's not working with me.

After the first half hour the show actually started and started well with Brandy and Max, they had the highest score of the night then Florence and Crorky danced and they seemed to have changed the course of the show some how, it just felt off the rest of the night. We might be able to blame Brooke Burke for some of it, because she really sucks and it's becoming more and more apparent as the weeks go by. You can tell in the faces of her victims/interviewees, she's clueless and is starting to make them look bad.

Lacey Schwimmer is pissing me off and Len as well, he gave Kyle and her a 5, love you Len! Knock her down a peg. She's just not as hot as she think she is.

Jennifer looked totally pissed that she didn't have the highest scores of the night. The rest of the way is going to be interesting. Last season we all knew who would win, this season it seems to be up for grabs.

More re-capping tomorrow night, oh joy. I think Brandy and Max will get the encore dance and that will piss Jennifer off so it might be worth watching.

Let's kick someone off Dancing With The Stars

First of all, thank you Len for picking Jennifer Grey for the encore performance and not Mrs. Brady, Dear God thank you. All Dancing With The Stars fans know that this show, they are the re-cap masters. They re-cap re-caps, you can't miss anything if you try.
The "fill in the rest of the hour" entertainment, you know, when they aren't re-capping, were the Goo Goo Dolls, who weren't bad, but I only knew one of their songs. I'm seriously out of the loop band wise because Florence and The Machine performed. Who the hell is she? Was it just me or did she sound awful? I don't think it was just me.

And am I the only one that hears Macy's Stars of Dance to perform after the break, that goes to take their contacts out, make coffee for the morning, pick out what to where to work the next morning and get my jammies on? Is that just me too or are they a total bore to you too? I sat through it tonight because I'm trying to dedicate myself to my entertainment blog, throw myself into my art and stuff.

The Situation got kicked off, like I predicted and I'm really not going to miss him. But maybe he should have done his boobs move earlier in the show, he might have received more votes. Mrs. Brady lives to dance another week, risking a broken hip and my Maks is still up in the top three. Squeee!

Mrs. Brady and Corky do the Rumba

And half of America went blind. Seriously, my eyes hurt and I'm quite certain by morning I'll have lost use of them. Why? Because I just saw Mrs., 74 year old, Brady straddle Corky on the dance floor.

59 minutes into Dancing With The Stars I became frightened. The dances being performed tonight were the Argentine Tango and the Rumba. "What if Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba?" I asked myself. And then I asked myself again, "What if Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba?" I didn't pay attention to her costume in the opening ceremony. I wandered around my living room, paced, rang my hands together and broke out into a cold sweat. "What if Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba?" 15 minutes later my fears were confirmed, Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba.

Gah!

They showed us Corky and Mrs. Brady's "warm up package" you know the footage of them rehearsing. Rehearsing what would be appropriate and not appropriate, they even brought their kids in to supervise. That's when we got to see Mrs. Brady grab Corky's butt.

Oh God.

They are actually coming back from commercial to do the Rumba and I watched it. Kind of like you would watch a train wreck, I had one eye closed, so maybe that one will be save, I don't know.

I can't even remember their scores, they were low and the judges were almost speechless, but they weren't the lowest. I don't expect her to go home tomorrow. Probably "The Situation" whoever he is, will go. All he did was throw Katerina around and catch her.

I don't care if Mrs. Brady sticks around, she's already ruined part of my childhood, I just hope I don't witness her break a hip.

We're cranking it up again and I'm jumping up on my soapbox too

I want to start up this blog again, but I'm not going to be unrealistic. I'm starting with........

Ladies and Gentlemen.........this is Dancing With The Stars. I get all tingly when the band starts jamming the opening theme song and Tom Bergeron, who was put on this earth solely to host the hell out of Dancing With The Stars, and Brooke Burke, who ummm I don't know what she doing but it isn't hosting, start to announce the "stars" and their more popular than them dancing pro's. I just can't help sitting on my couch with a big grin on my face.
Because Dancing With The Stars has been entertaining me for years. For three hours a week I can sit and block out my job, the bills, the news, the politicians and special interest groups issues. There I said it.

Entertain us you washed up, no named, trying to restart your careers "stars". Keep your agenda's to yourselves, America wants some down time. The minute you start spouting off about your causes, you get voted off, Margaret Cho. Just dance okay. We have news radio, news TV, newspapers, Oprah, the View, the Academy Awards coming at us with opinions, telling us how they think we should think. Leave Dancing With The Stars alone and let us enjoy three hours of TV a week without being made to feel guilty.