Get right on out of here. Are you kidding me?

The two lowest scoring couples are safe, great. Jennifer Grey is in jeopardy and she pretends to faint, please diva. You're so pissed that you need Dancing With The Stars to try to jump start your career again that you are really starting to annoy me, I love Dancing With The Stars, stop ruining it for me. I saw you on the last episode of House, you weren't that great.

Heart! Barracuda! Awesome! Yeah, they're older now but they still sort of got it.

Kyle should stop talking so much and Lacey's attitude is getting on my last nerve, I hope they go this week. Really Kyle, stop talking.

Brett Michaels, why do we keep seeing this guy everywhere? How did he all of a sudden get popular and I hate that headband. I think that hair is attached to it and he's totally bald. Someone ask him to go swimming. Apparently he and Alice Cooper and some other guy are qualified to analyze the dances because it was rock week. Alice freaking Cooper watches Dancing With The Stars? Holy Crap. I guess I have now seen everything.

Macy's Stars of Dance, meh. Bathroom break.

Kylie Minogue, yet another guest is performing. Who the hell is she? And what the hell is going on behind her? Some kind of psycho musical chair dance with creepy dancers in long speedo swimsuits. Let's just get on with it already and tell Kyle and Lacey to go home, dance their last dance. He's sandwiched between Audrina and Jennifer of course he's going home. No. WTF? He's safe?

That means somebody better than half the couples left is going home an upset. Len says it's nonsense, damn right Len. "Go home Jennifer, Go home Jennifer", I started to chant. But no, it's Audrina. I have no idea who she is but she didn't deserve to go home yet, Tony's pissed.

It's time to separate the men from the boys voters!

I'm so stoked, it's rock week!

But first, let's re-cap. And just to mix up the re-capping a little bit, Dancing With The Stars is going to show us the top ten all time favorite dances throughout the years that I guess we were suppose to vote for, nobody told me about it.

Rock week will have to wait because it's a 2 hour show and it's not like we can't, at any given time of the day, look up our favorite dances on YouTube or anything. But I'll venture down Memory Lane with everyone else, what the hell. Just don't tell me that Drew Lachey's dance with Cheryl Burke, Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy is in the top ten. I think what might have turned me off that guy is when he filled in for Samantha when she was on maternity leave, he was almost as bad as Brooke. And I really hated the dance.

"Oh, his dance is number 1? Huh." I get to watch this stupid dance again, wonderful.

Can we start rocking now? Because remember? I'm stoked.

Apparently when you're rocking it out on Dancing With The Stars, fire is involved and lots of it shooting out of stuff. Cool.

I've decided to systematically knock off the stars as I see fit. Jennifer Grey is blowing it and I think it's because she's a diva, I don't have time for diva's. Somebody give her a Snickers. The chubby kid, Kyle is dancing with Lacey Schwimmer, bleh. I think I've mentioned I don't like her. The two athletes are stiffs. Audrina Patridge has one facial expression and that's it, she can dance, but she's not selling it. Who's left? Bristol, she's slightly improving but I think she's gone as far as she can, either she or Kyle should go tomorrow or one of the stiffs. But not my Maks, he and Brandy are the top scorers again!

Hey Heart is going to perform tomorrow night, I'm stoked for Tuesday's show now.

Albert Reed on Dancing With The Stars

I don't know why, but this dance has been one of my favorites on Dancing With The Stars for a long time. Albert Reed, seasons ago but it was so entertaining. I put it up on this blog every once in a while. Hope you enjoy it:

Bring It Like Bruno A Little Harder

Did I call it or what? I'm frigging psychic. Brandy and my Maks got the encore dance, which had to be painful for Len because he doesn't like Maks and Mrs. Brady has danced her last dance. I'm so happy. I sat through the whole show because I'm forcing myself to focus on this blog and Dancing With The Stars is the show I picked to start reviewing again. So naturally the outcome should be the way I want it to be, because it's all about me.

The results show is hard to sit through, half of it is what we saw last night, you know, extreme re-capping. The other half is a menagerie of backstage drama, Brooke Burke's God awful interviews and now, apparently Dancing With The Stars commercials. They are kind of like the old Saturday Night Live commercials but really bad. Kind of like "who wants some more face time" commercials. Oh, Bruno would you like more face time? Great let's have you promote a fake dance video called Bring It Like Bruno A Little Harder. And let's put Mark in it without his shirt so he can show everyone he has a tattoo and Lacey should be in it because she thinks she's hotter than she really is.

Show of hands now, who threw-up a little bit in their mouth after watching that?

We got to see David Hasselhoff in one of these commercials. Thank God because who hasn't seen enough of him? I'm seriously out of the loop because I had no idea who the guest performers were, Shakira? and Jason Somebody. I don't know.

Mrs. Brady tried to make us cry when she got kicked off but we're just not buying what she's been trying to sell. And what's wrong with her mouth? It's like she's always chewing gum or her dentures don't fit right.

With her gone I feel the show has righted itself now and is back on track, we should be able to enjoy the rest of the season. The ick factor is gone.

Re-Capping the re-capping.....again

About 15 minutes into Dancing With The Stars, I realized, "Hey they're re-capping..... again." Like I said before nobody does re-capping like Dancing With The Stars. It's Extreme Re-capping. And it's usually done on the kick someone off Tuesday night show, so imagine my surprise when they started re-capping tonight on the Monday show. I could have finished my dishes.

Tonight is TV show theme night, dancing to television shows songs. I was so surprised when Mrs. Brady danced to, wait for it............... The Brady Bunch Song, huh....isn't that somethin'? Who saw that coming? Who saw Greg Brady coming? Ewwwww. The Brady Bunch was a joyful, playful, wholesome part of my childhood and Florence Henderson has crushed it, stomped on it and has me ready to throw up. Please whoever is voting for her......STOP! Stop for so many reasons, like the way Corky is jerking her 76, not 74, Jesus Christ her 76 year old body around the dance floor, something is going to break. One week she's telling us she's dancing for her dear departed husband and then this week she's telling us about the huge crush Greg Brady had on her and she's not telling us if anything happened between them. Huh? Gross. Decide on what angle you want to play the audience with Mrs. Brady. I don't know about anyone else but slutty grandma's not working with me.

After the first half hour the show actually started and started well with Brandy and Max, they had the highest score of the night then Florence and Crorky danced and they seemed to have changed the course of the show some how, it just felt off the rest of the night. We might be able to blame Brooke Burke for some of it, because she really sucks and it's becoming more and more apparent as the weeks go by. You can tell in the faces of her victims/interviewees, she's clueless and is starting to make them look bad.

Lacey Schwimmer is pissing me off and Len as well, he gave Kyle and her a 5, love you Len! Knock her down a peg. She's just not as hot as she think she is.

Jennifer looked totally pissed that she didn't have the highest scores of the night. The rest of the way is going to be interesting. Last season we all knew who would win, this season it seems to be up for grabs.

More re-capping tomorrow night, oh joy. I think Brandy and Max will get the encore dance and that will piss Jennifer off so it might be worth watching.

Let's kick someone off Dancing With The Stars

First of all, thank you Len for picking Jennifer Grey for the encore performance and not Mrs. Brady, Dear God thank you. All Dancing With The Stars fans know that this show, they are the re-cap masters. They re-cap re-caps, you can't miss anything if you try.
The "fill in the rest of the hour" entertainment, you know, when they aren't re-capping, were the Goo Goo Dolls, who weren't bad, but I only knew one of their songs. I'm seriously out of the loop band wise because Florence and The Machine performed. Who the hell is she? Was it just me or did she sound awful? I don't think it was just me.

And am I the only one that hears Macy's Stars of Dance to perform after the break, that goes to take their contacts out, make coffee for the morning, pick out what to where to work the next morning and get my jammies on? Is that just me too or are they a total bore to you too? I sat through it tonight because I'm trying to dedicate myself to my entertainment blog, throw myself into my art and stuff.

The Situation got kicked off, like I predicted and I'm really not going to miss him. But maybe he should have done his boobs move earlier in the show, he might have received more votes. Mrs. Brady lives to dance another week, risking a broken hip and my Maks is still up in the top three. Squeee!

Mrs. Brady and Corky do the Rumba

And half of America went blind. Seriously, my eyes hurt and I'm quite certain by morning I'll have lost use of them. Why? Because I just saw Mrs., 74 year old, Brady straddle Corky on the dance floor.

59 minutes into Dancing With The Stars I became frightened. The dances being performed tonight were the Argentine Tango and the Rumba. "What if Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba?" I asked myself. And then I asked myself again, "What if Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba?" I didn't pay attention to her costume in the opening ceremony. I wandered around my living room, paced, rang my hands together and broke out into a cold sweat. "What if Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba?" 15 minutes later my fears were confirmed, Mrs. Brady is doing the Rumba.

Gah!

They showed us Corky and Mrs. Brady's "warm up package" you know the footage of them rehearsing. Rehearsing what would be appropriate and not appropriate, they even brought their kids in to supervise. That's when we got to see Mrs. Brady grab Corky's butt.

Oh God.

They are actually coming back from commercial to do the Rumba and I watched it. Kind of like you would watch a train wreck, I had one eye closed, so maybe that one will be save, I don't know.

I can't even remember their scores, they were low and the judges were almost speechless, but they weren't the lowest. I don't expect her to go home tomorrow. Probably "The Situation" whoever he is, will go. All he did was throw Katerina around and catch her.

I don't care if Mrs. Brady sticks around, she's already ruined part of my childhood, I just hope I don't witness her break a hip.

We're cranking it up again and I'm jumping up on my soapbox too

I want to start up this blog again, but I'm not going to be unrealistic. I'm starting with........

Ladies and Gentlemen.........this is Dancing With The Stars. I get all tingly when the band starts jamming the opening theme song and Tom Bergeron, who was put on this earth solely to host the hell out of Dancing With The Stars, and Brooke Burke, who ummm I don't know what she doing but it isn't hosting, start to announce the "stars" and their more popular than them dancing pro's. I just can't help sitting on my couch with a big grin on my face.
Because Dancing With The Stars has been entertaining me for years. For three hours a week I can sit and block out my job, the bills, the news, the politicians and special interest groups issues. There I said it.

Entertain us you washed up, no named, trying to restart your careers "stars". Keep your agenda's to yourselves, America wants some down time. The minute you start spouting off about your causes, you get voted off, Margaret Cho. Just dance okay. We have news radio, news TV, newspapers, Oprah, the View, the Academy Awards coming at us with opinions, telling us how they think we should think. Leave Dancing With The Stars alone and let us enjoy three hours of TV a week without being made to feel guilty.