Watching Paula Babble

God I missed her. Just watching her babble away put a grin on my face. The episode isn't even over and I have to blog about American Idol. I haven't been paying much attention to this show but now they are down to the top 13 contestants. It's starting to get interesting. The contestant Adam just got done singing and I think Paula had an orgasm. Somebody get her a cigarette. Of course Simon likes no one and Randy calls them all dudes and tells them they were a little pitchy. The new lady sits hunched over with her face to the micro-phone and yells out her criticism. But Paula, dear Paula we're really not sure what she's saying, it's great.

Just Leave Paula Alone

She's an American Idol treasure for God's sake. And she can tell the future. What would the American Idol wanna-be's do without her infinite wisdom? Go right from Randy's "check it out dawg it was a little pitchy for me" to Simon telling them they sounded like cruise ship entertainment and they are utterly boring and forgettable? Paula is their "take a deep breath" babble buffer. A lull between two storms. A voice of non-sensical, un-constructed criticism. And she tells them they look good.

I've read the blogs. There are those who think enough is enough, Paula should leave the show. The hell you say! She's damn good, live television entertainment!

Paula's Bejeweled, Black, Hooker Gloves

American Idol, Season 7 Review:
I hope that everyone noticed Paula's bejeweled, black, hooker gloves last night. She waved them around all night and stuck them out like Frankenstein to make sure we saw them. Ryan, Randy and Simon never mentioned them and I think that hurt her feelings. So let's all give Paula a round of applause for her hooker gloves and for managing to stay upright most of the evening.
Randy didn't seem to be happy with most of the dreaded song choices, Paula disagreed with him and then tried to form thoughts on her own and Simon agreed with Randy, imagine that.
The top three performances, according to our beloved judges, were Michael Johns, David Cook and Syesha Mercado and I agree. Oh and they were quite impressed by Kristi Lee Cook, but the rest of them fell into the poor song choice category.

Fast-Forward Through American Idol

American Idol Review:
I thought we were promised the strongest and bestest contestants ever, that's what Ryan and Paula keep telling us. When do they plan to show up consistently? When are they going to make the right "song choices"? When are they going to stop singing The Beatles songs?
Yeah, none of them sounded very good last night, a little pitchy. Except for the kid, David Archuleta. I should have watched Dancing With The Stars instead. Simon didn't like anyone, Paula babbled and Randy - "Gee, I don't know, it didn't work for me, I didn't get. What do you think Paula?"
"Babble, babble, you look great tonight, babble, babble."
The plus side of the evening was I had this episode recorded and used the fast-forward button like a cheap French whore.

American Idol Guys

American Idol Guys Review:
Probably I'm late in saying this, but....

"Luke! Lower your voice....... a lot."
He does sound like a girl, Simon is right. I can't believe I just said that. Damn, he's cute, but he's one of the guys going home, everyone else was better than him.
Randy was harping on the pitchiness of the songs again, Simon was brutally honest in a confusing way, and our dear Paula babbled her lovely head off again. Babble, babble, let's give it up for the guys, babble.
I'm more that a little creeped out by Danny Noriega and David Hernandez, after seeing them on the news, in before Idol footage/news. So if either one of them leaves with Luke I won't be disappointed.

Dear God, The Flu Hits American Idol

American Idol Girls Review:
Uh oh, Ryan is telling us that the flu has hit America hard this year and even American Idol isn't immune. So if I was smart and read into that statement I could have avoided the train wreck show and watched the History Channel with the husband. But I'm blinded by the American Idol Season 7 hoopla.

I don't know any of the girls names either, maybe Simon is right, they were forgettable performances. I'm pretty sure the second girl that sang is still back stage crying. Simon can be a real dick. He goes on and on about how bad someone is, Paula goes on and on about having fun, being yourself, song choice, the weather, pretty colors. Randy is the only one that knows when to shut up and that is usually after he tells someone they had a pitch problem.
Out of the 24 performers, I think maybe six of them should feel safe. And I can't even begin to predict who will go home tonight, but if that guy from last night that sang Moon River stays, we will know he sealed the old lady vote.

American Idol Golden Ticket Auditions

American Idol Tuesday Review:
We're finally in Hollywood! And in a two hour episode, Randy, Paula and Simon steamed rolled through a whole lot of auditions. Apparently tonight we will have the final 24. I remember last year there were 3 groups of 24 and that is how they let the 24 know there were "in". According to the previews American Idol is going with the camera in the elevator affect and the long walk to the folding chair ordeal. I think it's a much better form of torture for the viewing audience to watch while eating our popcorn. I also remember last year the going to Hollywood, golden ticket people formed into groups of three or four and perform one of like four sounds they could pick from. This year they went solo and were able to play an instrument. American Idol likes to mix it up and keep us on our toes, don't they?

American Idol Made Me Cry

American Idol Tuesday Review:
I've had enough of these first auditions. I can't take it anymore. Please stop already. Paula's crying, I'm crying, Simon's giving out hugs, mass hysteria.
One girl was trying to call her dad to tell him she got to the auditions alright and he wasn't answering his cell phone, later her brother calls her and tells her that their dad was in a car accident and died. She stayed and sang How Can I Live Without You? She couldn't finish. Paula and I cried. She made it through to Hollywood.
There was another guy that did a demonic thing with his eyes when he sang, but he had a good voice. So Randy and Paula had him turn around and sing. Simon gave him a no, but Randy and Paula gave him a yes and he's off to Hollywood too. Simon asked if they think he's suppose to sing the rest of they way with his back to the audience. I'm with Simon on this one.
American Idol is on tonight again, one more first audition night. I won't be home but don't think I can justify recording it.

Hey, Hey Paula

American Idol Pretty Sure in Omaha Review:
Okay that was a burp. Paula's trying to tell the biggest audience in the world that it was a hiccup, I don't think so. I can't believe they didn't edit that out.
Paula was late last night so Randy and Simon started the auditions. Simon was in a reasonably good mood. Paula finally strolled in and was visibly still feeling the effects from whatever she was doing the night before. And then she burped. Nice. Simon threw his papers up in the air and rolled his eyes. It was priceless. It's a very short video!