Tuesday, September 18, 2012

You are the seventh



It's my turn for this months blog chain at Absolute Write.
This month's prompt:
The Number Seven

September used to be the seventh month of the old Roman calendar and its name literally means seventh "month," so this month is brought to you by 7. Write wherever the prompt inspires you, fiction or non-fiction, prose or poetry. Do try and keep things at a PG-13 level, though.

I have been working on my novel, so that is what has been in my head. I decided to post an excerpt. Pretty much because I couldn't think of anything else. I may be stretching the prompt to it's limit. Oh and this is my first novel so be gentle. I can take constructive criticism if you feel inclined to do so.

Below are my fellow bloggers and a link to their posts, please be sure to read more "Seven" posts.

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“You are the seventh, there are six others like you.”
Niles felt the mans presence before he heard him speak. But he remained silent with his head down. He sat on the floor of his latest cell. His feet planted in front of him on the cold cement and he rested his arms on his knees letting his hands hang but every once in a while he clenched his fists when he felt himself start to tremble.
‘Six others?’ Niles thought. ‘I’m the seventh like them? Like what?’
He tried to place the pieces of the complicated puzzle together since he found himself living in this nightmare. Some of the pieces were missing, some were upside down. His eyes widened and darted back and forth searching the floor for what, he didn’t know. He refused to acknowledge the man talking to him several feet away from the bars of his new residence.
Niles began to struggle to breathe. It was almost as if he forgotten how to bring air into his lungs and then let it back out. His temples pounded with each beat of his heart and each beat came faster than the last. The man spoke to him,
“Niles you can control that. You are in control of your breathing and heart rate. Search your mind, you have capabilities you’ve never had before. The average person uses only 10% of their brain. You have been given a gift. Think of your brain as a maze with unopened doors. These are doors you can now open.”
The mans tone had a hint of desperation mixed with excitement,
“Niles you have to work with me if you want to leave this place. I’m sorry about Derek. We did everything we could to save him, I promise you that.”
Bringing Derek up so soon after Niles watched him die brought his rage to the forefront again. He was on his hands and knees now, dragging air into his chest. He looked at his arms streaked in dried blood. Memories of the events that unfolded only minutes before flooded his head and pounded on the inside of his skull as if trying to escape. He would like nothing more than to let those memories go but instead he grabbed his head on each side convinced if he let go it would explode. He let out a guttural cry and shouted,
“God damn it.”
“Niles listen to me.”
The man’s hint of desperation remained but did not intensify. His voice stayed calm and continued,
“Niles go to your brain stem. You can find it, think. Do you see it? Open that door, you’ll find what you need.”
Niles heard the man through the pounding in his head and his rasping breath. He didn’t understand but with his hands on either side of his head and his forehead now on the floor he thought of where his brain stem was located.
“The injections……….”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
“Yes that’s the area. Do you see it Niles?”
Niles searched, thick gray clouds twisted and turned making him cry out in pain again. He continued, trying to look past the murky fog. Something was there, he could feel it and the air began to clear. He saw a distorted door knob. It stretched into an oval shape, changed colors from a blurry purple to a muddled black. An array of colors began to pixelate looking for a spot to form as the oval quivered and when it snapped into a round shape the colors followed settling on a brilliant gold.
“Open it Niles.”
The door knob became clear and it turned to the right. Niles saw the door it was attach to which had opened about two inches. He tried to see what was behind it, as he peered through the slight gap the door quickly swung back with such forced that Niles dropped to his side and landed on his back. The swirling gray air disappeared as if sucked out with a vacuum. Niles stopped gasping for air and his breathing became normal. His heart rate slowed down which stopped the thumping in his temples.
He rolled over to his stomach, back on his hands and knees, reached out to the bars of his cell and pulled himself up until he was standing. He stared at the man in front of him as he fought off a wave of nausea. They looked at each other for a moment and when the dizziness in Niles head slowed to a speed he could trust he asked,
“What just happened? What did you bastards do to me?”
“Get some rest, we’ll talk tomorrow. I’ll make sure you get something to eat. We’ll talk Niles, I promise.”
Niles watched him walk down the short hall and out the double swinging doors. He remained where he stood gripping the bars until his knuckle where white, his eyes widened and his jaw clenched shut. Did he just see what he thought he saw? He heard the man’s voice in his head but his mouth did not move.

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9 comments:

AFord said...

An interesting and engaging read...you have something special in the works here, so keep bringing this novel to completion. You seem to have a knack for writing even though is your first novel. Who gets to play Niles in the movies?

Sue said...

Thank you Alan, those are very kind and encouraging words.

~Charity~ said...

I like! Keep working on this.

Diane Carlisle said...

I'm also working on my first novel, but it's not the first one I ever started. I have two sitting in a folder somewhere with about 4-5 chapters each.

Yours seems to have the right pace. I think I just wasn't ready to slow it down, because I was so used to short stories.

Good luck!

randi lee said...

You had me at the first line! Great read, Sue :)

S.R.Howen said...

Keep going and see where it takes you. If oyu get hung up keep going, you have a natural pace in your writing, and that will take you far.

Sue said...

Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I plan to keep going, just some more research to do.

nonexistentbooks said...

Nice piece! You might want to think about leaving a space between ¶s, though, to give the eye a little white space lest it be intimidated by your tower o' words :)

Sue said...

Thanks Orion! I usually leave a double space between the dialog. But blogger has a mind of it's own when it comes to paragraphs and spaces.