Fake boobs, cape mishaps and banana hammocks, ladies and gentlemen this is Dancing With The Stars

Guilty pleasures night, yikes:

Okay so Louis wants Kendra to shake everything that God gave her and she said God didn't give her these boobs. I hear ya Kendra, he didn't give me much either. But I stuck with what he gave me because, well I'm not a stripper/Playboy Bunny/pole dancing whore. Kendra shook. All three judges were turned on, even Bruno and I thought he was gay. Kendra is not going to shake the whole stripper/Playboy Bunny/pole dancing whore thing when Bruno wants to do it on the judges table with her and threw money at her. I thought he was gay. Thank you Bruno for keeping elegance in the ballroom on this family show. Kendra is offended when Carrie Ann tells her she's afraid of elegance but not when Bruno wants to have sex with her on live television.

The premise behind Guilty Pleasures Night is that the songs that are picked are songs we like but are embarrassed to tell anyone. So I got to hear MmmBop by Hanson. And sung by Hanson all grown up. No wonder I'm in such a good mood today, the song has been stuck in my head since last night. I think I'll get it as a ringtone.

Ralph, what the hell? He looked 10 years younger last night. What did they do to him? It's got to be spray tan or a face lift. He was in this ridiculous costume with a humongous cape and Karina had a cape dress thing. They were flapping those capes around like they were trying to take flight and inevitably Karina tripped on Ralph's cape and fell. She was explaining what happened but our stellar interviewer, Brooke, cut her off, because she sucks at her job. So Karina being Maks' ex fell on the dance floor too .... hmmmm. I don't know if those two get along but maybe she had a little smirk when Maks fell and this is karma paying her back. I guess we'll see, if Ralph loses his shoe next week.
Tom Bergeron, God's wonderful gift to Live Television, set up an Elton John video for us and pointed out that one of the dancers to I'm Still Standing was none other than Bruno. Bruno on the beach in a banana hammock. Yeah, he's gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Dear God, Maks I've missed you!

I almost forgot the password to this blog. I've been taking writing classes but can not remain silent any longer. I must log my thoughts of my beloved "Ladies and Gentlemen this is Dancing With The Stars!" I put last season behind me and have moved on, I am back to being a huge fan. After seeing Maks rip his shirt off, who wouldn't? Was he dancing with someone? Probably Kirstie Alley but I didn't see her during that dance, he had leather pants on, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I've watched it about 17 times.


I want Kendra to go home tonight. Why? Because after watching all of the 11 and half seasons, I have never heard a woman on the show blame a bad dance on her period. Gah! Graciously go home Kendra. In case the definition of gracious escapes you, here you go: pleasantly kind and courteous. Go, go, go.

Petra should be limited to 2 sentences at a time or be interviewed by somebody competent, like not Brooke. Please let this be Brooke Burkes last season.

Hines Ward, he's doing very well but he's a Pittsburgh Steeler and I want him to fail miserably, then I'll start waving a towel around. I don't know who that cute little Chelsea is but she's with Mark and I hate him. Who else is left? Oh the Karate Kid, Ralph, I like him. He's really good with the ballroom dances but he has no hip action. Bruno wants to see sex for those Latin dances. You hear me, sex! Then we have Master Do Wop Diddy Wop Wop's son Romeo and he's doing a 100% better job than his father, which let's face it, not difficult since no one has ever received 2's before in the entire history of the show, ever. And we have Chris Jericho left, I didn't like him at first but he's starting to grow on me and the judges are pleasantly surprise.

So let's see if I can keep up with this blog, Farvel Cargo, http://www.skirt.com/ which I'm suppose to be blogging for and school. What a drag having to go to work everyday.

Bring It Like Bruno A Little Harder

Did I call it or what? I'm frigging psychic. Brandy and my Maks got the encore dance, which had to be painful for Len because he doesn't like Maks and Mrs. Brady has danced her last dance. I'm so happy. I sat through the whole show because I'm forcing myself to focus on this blog and Dancing With The Stars is the show I picked to start reviewing again. So naturally the outcome should be the way I want it to be, because it's all about me.

The results show is hard to sit through, half of it is what we saw last night, you know, extreme re-capping. The other half is a menagerie of backstage drama, Brooke Burke's God awful interviews and now, apparently Dancing With The Stars commercials. They are kind of like the old Saturday Night Live commercials but really bad. Kind of like "who wants some more face time" commercials. Oh, Bruno would you like more face time? Great let's have you promote a fake dance video called Bring It Like Bruno A Little Harder. And let's put Mark in it without his shirt so he can show everyone he has a tattoo and Lacey should be in it because she thinks she's hotter than she really is.

Show of hands now, who threw-up a little bit in their mouth after watching that?

We got to see David Hasselhoff in one of these commercials. Thank God because who hasn't seen enough of him? I'm seriously out of the loop because I had no idea who the guest performers were, Shakira? and Jason Somebody. I don't know.

Mrs. Brady tried to make us cry when she got kicked off but we're just not buying what she's been trying to sell. And what's wrong with her mouth? It's like she's always chewing gum or her dentures don't fit right.

With her gone I feel the show has righted itself now and is back on track, we should be able to enjoy the rest of the season. The ick factor is gone.